Grief often comes in waves. As soon as you think you’re taking a big step forward, an incoming wave knocks you off your feet. You desperately want to wake up and instantly feel better, but the reality with grief is that it takes a significant amount of time to heal; it’s a slow and steady, lifelong process. While I am still in the healing stage two years after my miscarriage, I feel compelled to speak on what has helped heal me by leaps and bounds. Here’s my tips for healing after a miscarriage…
- Give yourself all the time you need and practice patience with yourself. You cannot rush the healing process. Allow yourself to feel every emotion you need to feel; don’t suppress any of it. If you do brush all your emotions under the rug, it will come to the surface later and feel even more overwhelming. Give yourself grace along the way. Triggers are inevitable and it’s best not to judge yourself harshly in those difficult moments. Some days will always trigger memories, such as the anniversary or what would have been your due date, but other days grief will want to overtake you unexpectedly. I’ve had to repeat this mantra to myself many times: this too shall pass.
- Read and journal to help sort through all of the emotions associated with your miscarriage. I had a suitcase full of things I needed help processing. I’m still digging through it trying to sort it all out 2 years later. Again, it takes time. I felt so overwhelmed in the first few months to a year that I didn’t know where to start. I highly recommend a devotional book like this one from Amazon: Grieving the Child I Never Knew. Writing has always been therapeutic for me, but writing down how I was feeling after loss did wonders for my personal healing journey. In fact, I had the amazing opportunity of having my personal story of grief titled, “Radical Obedience” published in Dayspring’s Sweet Tea for the Soul. Check it out on Amazon and preorder!
- Start talking about it when you’re ready. Nobody can push you into this until you are ready to share. And only share what you are comfortable with, which might be a little bit at first. Enlist the support of your family and friends. Be aware that while they mean well, it’s possible that they might say things that are insensitive; you’ll have to educate them on what is helpful and what is not. Open up to people you trust and I promise it will be a huge help to kickstart your healing process.
- Go to a therapist regularly. Therapy is helpful in working through all of your emotions and talking through it with someone who will be a good listener. There are therapists who specialize in grief who know how to work through it one step at a time. If you don’t feel comfortable opening up to a family member or friend, try talking to a professional. Yes, they are a stranger, but they keep everything strictly confidential.
- Join a local support group of loss moms. Nobody will understand you and your grief more than another mom who’s been through the same thing. While no miscarriage journey is exactly the same, talking with somebody who understands your pain is helpful. There is something amazing about a community that rallies around grieving parents who can openly share and help each other. These groups often meet at hospitals and clinics. Do a quick search for one in your area and try it out sometime.
- Do something positive in remembrance of your angel baby. You will heal from taking a heartbreaking situation and channeling it into something positive and healthy. Train for a 5K and run for your angel baby. Plant a tree in your yard in remembrance of them. Start a local fundraiser for a non-profit. Create a new family tradition that commemorates their memory.
- Repeat all of the above. Seriously though. When new waves of grief come (and they will), I simply go back and practice these again: journal my feelings, talk to a therapist, or set a new goal in memory of them. Healing is a long process that we cannot rush, and often it’s necessary to revisit these steps over and over again. Or maybe you discover something new that really helps you on your healing journey.
I’m so sorry for your loss! We’re not going to get over this, but we will get through this. Let’s rally around other loss moms and help pay it forward to those who need encouraging words.
If you have any additional tips for healing from a miscarriage, please comment below…