I had to cling to hope that somehow, things would be resolved. “It hurts so bad, Mom. Help me.” I can still hear my son’s desperate cries of agony echoing in my mind. After several emergency room visits, appointments with various specialists, and lots of tests, we had no answers for the cause of his physical pain.
Here she is again—the anxious mama in me. Overwhelmed. Defeated. Tense. Weary.
I know my kids feel my angst and anxiety. They can see it in my face, my tired eyes, and in the tone of my voice. They see it by the way I move around. It’s in the air of our home.
“Stop it. Don’t do that.”
“Ugh, another spill? Come on.”
“Now what’s the matter?”
“Leave your brother alone.”
The uncontrollable tears streamed down this weary mama’s face. I looked around and saw the piled laundry on the table, toys and crumbs covering the floor, and my boys fighting yet again.
This article was originally published by Her View From Home. Trigger warning: This post is…
“Deep breaths, Kelley. You’ve got this,” I said to myself.
“Inhale. 1-2-3. Exhale. 1-2-3.”
For the last decade I’ve experienced everything from mild to moderate anxiety, to full-blown panic, but never when flying – until now.
That’s the tricky thing with anxiety – and any mental disorder for that matter – sometimes there’s a circumstance that triggers it, but not always.
“You are calm. You are in control.” These are some of the positive things I say to myself when I’m in the middle of parenting or disciplining and feel like my emotions might erupt like a volcano.
Toys might be soaring through the air. Doors are rattled. Tempers ready to burst. Fists clenched tightly. The tension in the environment is so high, it permeates the entire house. I can start to feel it in my body; something isn’t right.
What my therapist described as “mild to moderate” depression symptoms (accompanied by anxiety) quickly spiraled into being unable to sleep at night, uncontrollable tears, difficulty getting out of bed, and keeping food down due to nausea.
My mind and body felt completely out of control.
January 15th. It’s a date that seems like another cold, winter day. But for me…
Freedom.
It’s like a friend from high school that I lost touch with. I know she’s there, but I haven’t seen her in so long that I begin to doubt she truly exists. I’ve realized that underneath my frustration and bitterness at times as a mom…is a deep longing for freedom.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Be merry!
May your heart be filled with joy!
While the holiday season is a beautiful time of year for many people, millions of others are battling depression, and feeling an extra sting this season as the stigma exists they should simply be cheery and choose joy.