“Deep breaths, Kelley. You’ve got this,” I said to myself.
“Inhale. 1-2-3. Exhale. 1-2-3.”
For the last decade I’ve experienced everything from mild to moderate anxiety, to full-blown panic, but never when flying – until now.
That’s the tricky thing with anxiety – and any mental disorder for that matter – sometimes there’s a circumstance that triggers it, but not always.
“You are calm. You are in control.” These are some of the positive things I say to myself when I’m in the middle of parenting or disciplining and feel like my emotions might erupt like a volcano.
Toys might be soaring through the air. Doors are rattled. Tempers ready to burst. Fists clenched tightly. The tension in the environment is so high, it permeates the entire house. I can start to feel it in my body; something isn’t right.
What my therapist described as “mild to moderate” depression symptoms (accompanied by anxiety) quickly spiraled into being unable to sleep at night, uncontrollable tears, difficulty getting out of bed, and keeping food down due to nausea.
My mind and body felt completely out of control.
January 15th. It’s a date that seems like another cold, winter day. But for me…
Freedom.
It’s like a friend from high school that I lost touch with. I know she’s there, but I haven’t seen her in so long that I begin to doubt she truly exists. I’ve realized that underneath my frustration and bitterness at times as a mom…is a deep longing for freedom.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Be merry!
May your heart be filled with joy!
While the holiday season is a beautiful time of year for many people, millions of others are battling depression, and feeling an extra sting this season as the stigma exists they should simply be cheery and choose joy.
Oops. I got distracted again, rushing over to the oven to abruptly pull out the bacon from the hot oven. Well, that’s a bit overdone, I thought to myself sarcastically as I looked at the bacon, carefully examining its char-like appearance completely burnt to a crisp.
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Here we go again, you think to yourself.
It can feel like you’re starting to lose control of your mind and body. As if you’re on a rollercoaster without any way to stop the ride. I have experienced firsthand the scary spirals of depression and know how paralyzing it can feel.
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